The Green Me

Not that i am Green anymore, if you know what i mean. heh.

Anyways, since life with children basically means, to plan all your AROUND your children. No the other way. Also means to find creative ways to spend a weekend in, yes i said it, boring Singapore.

I stumbled upon this while watching Channelnews Asia Last night. I am pretty sure this is the school that Bibik sends her kid too in Bali. And lo & behold, they do have vacation camps too!! HOORAY!

So i am all about being Green. I recycle. Even my cooking oil. Yes i have yet to redce my carbon footprint though but i get around faster on my bike than on the very-overcrowded-mrt. More needs to be done but hey, im only human.

So since in Singapore, there is not many outdoor activities that u can do, we can plan these! Living in the outdoors, playing with mud, gong throgh plantations, learning abt greenery. Hell, even i have no chance ever to do all these. Cos i also am a City Girl.

So check this out!

http://www.greencampbali.com/2011/07/green-camp-summer-and-vacational-school-2011/

and then i saw tht its for kids ages 8-14. Damn, when i thought i can bring Hairi & Aira.

So much for the enthusiasm.

So i gess for now, we just take more trips to the zoo and the mini animal farm somehwere near Choa Chu Kang. One day, will check it out.

Mean time, Stay Green!!

Day 2 of Bayaring Puasa

Is making me very sleepy cos last night.....

I closed my eyes at 12 midnite and when i opened.....its 1am.

And i closed my eyes again and when i opened.......its 2am.

and at 5am......im awake for sahur......

and i have a long day ahead of me cos yes, i am back in school. All these years i have been wanting to do my degree. And i put that on hold cos my Aira was along the way.....and now im finally back in the book but guess what? Nope it's not a degree.

I be undertaking ACCA Level 1. Don't ask me why. I am just hoping that it may turn around my career life. Not that soon. But sometime in the near future when i will be needing it most.

And so, this sleepiness is not helping me survivee my evening.

I miss her right now. She looks like a boy here at 3 months? And people kep mistaking her for a boy which irks me cos sometimes i dress her up in pink and they still say she is a boy. But now lookng back, yes, she does look like a boy!

Now she be like , "im no longer boyish looking huh huh?!!"

such a girl she has became. And i really mean a girl! Bough her a new pair of mary janes and she refused to wear them. Die die wants back her shoes in the pic. I had to persuade and coax her and keep telling her tht she looks beautiful in the shoes and finally, FINALLY, she accepted saying "cantek....cantek...."

girls.

I really miss my babies a lot. And with the recent news on babies dying be it here in Singapore or elsewhere, i dont get it. Why go though so much trouble of carrying the baby for 9 months, labour and then jst to kill it?
Even more, i dont understand how can some prefer having a pet to kids. "Kids are expensive." Aren't pets too? I mean, dogs in prams and stollers and milk bottles, clothes and accessories, training school, food, toys, milk, bedding, everything......ermmmmm so....what's the cost again?

Childen are a gift from God. Forget what u did in the past. Seek forgiveness. Look in the future and embrace it. Marriage is the joining of two souls and when te two sould become one, we produce the love we had in a child. Isnt that what Islam is? Building a family?

Seems like i don really have a subject to say here and my topics are randomly flowing as i type it out. Just that....i dont know.... Maybe im just very sleepy or i miss my kids too much......Yes. I think i miss them too much. Dont  want someone to miss? Besides your husband/wife?

It's Difficult to be.....

A woman.

Who misses her children everyday.

And i totally missed out on blgging about my daughter. I am pretty sure she is gonna be saddened to see all the post on her brother, but not her. I don't blog anymore. It seems that i prefer to keep my thoughts into memories in my head. Rather than penning it down. Or in this case, blog.

My princess. I was a bad Mom. Somehow with you, i dont look after myself well. I don't eat well. I don't rest well. And i don't control my emotions well. During the time when i was carrying you, i was living with your grandparents. And life was not really smooth. With having your brother who is still a baby, and the weight i have to bear, carrying you around, i was pretty much an emotional wreck. I am angry most of the time, and i cry half of the time as well. And to that dear Aira, Ibu is sorry.

And then u came. 15 Dec 2010.

I have no idea how the pain was like delivering you cos i chickened and took epidural. Cos u didnt give me any contractions but u made my a**hole so painful! i really have no idea why. The pain was overhwelming and i was already 5cm dilated and didnt even know. So then came Epidural. Which i regretted cos u can't be delivered right away and we waited the next morning to push u out. Effortlessly. :(

But u were such an easy baby my dear Aira. Unlike your brother, u didn't cry as often for milk. And the first night in the hospital, u managed to nearly sleep the night through. U sleep and sleep and didn't feed as often till i got worried, u may not be fed enough.

The other regret i have is i wasn't able to breastfeed u enough. i only manaed up to 4 months. In fact, after your delivery, i wasn't producing as much milk as i should. I blame it on me still giving to your brother while carrying you. Which i know i shouldn't. And having wisdom tooth did not help with te situation. I had to take medication to lessen the swollen gums thus why i had to stop breastfeeding you. by the time the medication is finished, you don't want breastmilk anymore. :(

i can go on and on about my regrest for not fulfilling much as a Mom but my dear Aira, i love you with all my heart and never will i compare you with your brother.

We shall save more stories of you in my next post. Till then, see how beautiful u have turned out to be....

Wife

Yesterday,

I had a pretty interesting conversation with a friend's wife. First i was asking them on how do u discipline your kids, whom are 1 yr apart like mine. The answer is, u can't. :(

It's cos they are too close, jealousy happens and the elder one feels inferior to the younger one. Hairi is becoming just that.

I was told that Hairi bullied Aira. I have personally seen him pushed his sister at the stomach. Aira was so angry she banged her head on the sofa, out of frustration. That day, I was told Hairi pushed Aira's head down tot he ground 3 times. Poked her eye. Refused to share toys. Like WHOA!

and the easiest thing for me to do is scream at him. Beat his hand. But constant hand beating can make a child hard-hearted. Do u believe?

I blamed myself for it. I have been too pre-occupied with my own nonsense, and my own extra-income sideline to suffice me as my boss tak-boleh-harap, tht i feel i have neglected my duties as a mother. and a wife.

Which leads to my next topic. Wife.

Im just gonna be very short on this. How many of us (wives) are guilty of not "giving" the husbands?

Come on, raise your hands. We read it in the books, though we never thought we ever used them eh? Headache, extended period, pretending to sleep, malas, or just a flat "no."

This friend of mine. Nope. Never a No. Never escape. Never escaped.

I salute her, for being a home-maker, the best mother, the best-willing wife, and the best financial manager for her husband.

Hidir, you must be so proud of your wife. Cos i am.

HFMD

After 2 weeks of pre-school, my son hasbeen contracted with HFMD.

heh. what luck.

He refuses to eat. or drink. And he wails.

Speak of wailing, ever since he started school, he has been such a screamer. Attention-seeking son of a brat screaming and wailing and bullying his sister. And his sister has the knack to start screaming too when she is bullied. and my patience has flown out of the window.

The cons of having babies too close a gap.

"Commercial Break"

Her cuteness brings back my patience. But how to deal with a growing boy who is temperemental?

I vae to get back on track on blogging. It's like im too busy with Facebook, i forgot tht i have a diary to update too, for the reflections on my life.

My life has been pretty busy lately.

Do you believe life starts at 30? I now do.

On a side note, lets all pray for Japan. May they get through this painful ordeal as soon as possible.

And on another side note, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuMLtycp_0I

Dumb or not, u decide.

It has been too long

Isn't it?



Now that i have my fat ass sitting in front of my damn old computer, yes computer not laptop, in a new (someone else's) office with a new colleague, i guess blogging would be just another pretense that im working. Typing away means im working.....right?



Initially this blog is suppose to be my kinda diary u know? The hype about being a newly married couple. All love and sex and BAM! Then all abt the first born....



And so i pity my 2nd born for not getting as much hype like the first.



My second born. Aira. yes her name is just Aira. Aira binte Muhd Fazli. Short name u say? Deal with it.


2010.


Why didnt i blog in 2010? A whole year of celebrating the months of my new 2nd born. Nothing abt her at all. AT ALL! (Slap my face!)


cos 2010 was a difficult year. for me. for us.


New baby. New home. New Loans. New Pay Cut. Trying out new Jobs. New way to handle rejections. New.


Nothing new with the amount in the bank statements though.

And not forgetting, new fat face, new fat hips, new fat legs. I plead to the Almighty my husband still lusts for me. Even tho my libido has zero-ed down.

Will there be a anything new abt my blog?

Probably.

But it still remains the same. it's still gonna be about, Diana & Fazli.

Hello readers.

Welcome back, new Me.