The Green Me

Not that i am Green anymore, if you know what i mean. heh.

Anyways, since life with children basically means, to plan all your AROUND your children. No the other way. Also means to find creative ways to spend a weekend in, yes i said it, boring Singapore.

I stumbled upon this while watching Channelnews Asia Last night. I am pretty sure this is the school that Bibik sends her kid too in Bali. And lo & behold, they do have vacation camps too!! HOORAY!

So i am all about being Green. I recycle. Even my cooking oil. Yes i have yet to redce my carbon footprint though but i get around faster on my bike than on the very-overcrowded-mrt. More needs to be done but hey, im only human.

So since in Singapore, there is not many outdoor activities that u can do, we can plan these! Living in the outdoors, playing with mud, gong throgh plantations, learning abt greenery. Hell, even i have no chance ever to do all these. Cos i also am a City Girl.

So check this out!

http://www.greencampbali.com/2011/07/green-camp-summer-and-vacational-school-2011/

and then i saw tht its for kids ages 8-14. Damn, when i thought i can bring Hairi & Aira.

So much for the enthusiasm.

So i gess for now, we just take more trips to the zoo and the mini animal farm somehwere near Choa Chu Kang. One day, will check it out.

Mean time, Stay Green!!

Day 2 of Bayaring Puasa

Is making me very sleepy cos last night.....

I closed my eyes at 12 midnite and when i opened.....its 1am.

And i closed my eyes again and when i opened.......its 2am.

and at 5am......im awake for sahur......

and i have a long day ahead of me cos yes, i am back in school. All these years i have been wanting to do my degree. And i put that on hold cos my Aira was along the way.....and now im finally back in the book but guess what? Nope it's not a degree.

I be undertaking ACCA Level 1. Don't ask me why. I am just hoping that it may turn around my career life. Not that soon. But sometime in the near future when i will be needing it most.

And so, this sleepiness is not helping me survivee my evening.

I miss her right now. She looks like a boy here at 3 months? And people kep mistaking her for a boy which irks me cos sometimes i dress her up in pink and they still say she is a boy. But now lookng back, yes, she does look like a boy!

Now she be like , "im no longer boyish looking huh huh?!!"

such a girl she has became. And i really mean a girl! Bough her a new pair of mary janes and she refused to wear them. Die die wants back her shoes in the pic. I had to persuade and coax her and keep telling her tht she looks beautiful in the shoes and finally, FINALLY, she accepted saying "cantek....cantek...."

girls.

I really miss my babies a lot. And with the recent news on babies dying be it here in Singapore or elsewhere, i dont get it. Why go though so much trouble of carrying the baby for 9 months, labour and then jst to kill it?
Even more, i dont understand how can some prefer having a pet to kids. "Kids are expensive." Aren't pets too? I mean, dogs in prams and stollers and milk bottles, clothes and accessories, training school, food, toys, milk, bedding, everything......ermmmmm so....what's the cost again?

Childen are a gift from God. Forget what u did in the past. Seek forgiveness. Look in the future and embrace it. Marriage is the joining of two souls and when te two sould become one, we produce the love we had in a child. Isnt that what Islam is? Building a family?

Seems like i don really have a subject to say here and my topics are randomly flowing as i type it out. Just that....i dont know.... Maybe im just very sleepy or i miss my kids too much......Yes. I think i miss them too much. Dont  want someone to miss? Besides your husband/wife?

It's Difficult to be.....

A woman.

Who misses her children everyday.

And i totally missed out on blgging about my daughter. I am pretty sure she is gonna be saddened to see all the post on her brother, but not her. I don't blog anymore. It seems that i prefer to keep my thoughts into memories in my head. Rather than penning it down. Or in this case, blog.

My princess. I was a bad Mom. Somehow with you, i dont look after myself well. I don't eat well. I don't rest well. And i don't control my emotions well. During the time when i was carrying you, i was living with your grandparents. And life was not really smooth. With having your brother who is still a baby, and the weight i have to bear, carrying you around, i was pretty much an emotional wreck. I am angry most of the time, and i cry half of the time as well. And to that dear Aira, Ibu is sorry.

And then u came. 15 Dec 2010.

I have no idea how the pain was like delivering you cos i chickened and took epidural. Cos u didnt give me any contractions but u made my a**hole so painful! i really have no idea why. The pain was overhwelming and i was already 5cm dilated and didnt even know. So then came Epidural. Which i regretted cos u can't be delivered right away and we waited the next morning to push u out. Effortlessly. :(

But u were such an easy baby my dear Aira. Unlike your brother, u didn't cry as often for milk. And the first night in the hospital, u managed to nearly sleep the night through. U sleep and sleep and didn't feed as often till i got worried, u may not be fed enough.

The other regret i have is i wasn't able to breastfeed u enough. i only manaed up to 4 months. In fact, after your delivery, i wasn't producing as much milk as i should. I blame it on me still giving to your brother while carrying you. Which i know i shouldn't. And having wisdom tooth did not help with te situation. I had to take medication to lessen the swollen gums thus why i had to stop breastfeeding you. by the time the medication is finished, you don't want breastmilk anymore. :(

i can go on and on about my regrest for not fulfilling much as a Mom but my dear Aira, i love you with all my heart and never will i compare you with your brother.

We shall save more stories of you in my next post. Till then, see how beautiful u have turned out to be....

Wife

Yesterday,

I had a pretty interesting conversation with a friend's wife. First i was asking them on how do u discipline your kids, whom are 1 yr apart like mine. The answer is, u can't. :(

It's cos they are too close, jealousy happens and the elder one feels inferior to the younger one. Hairi is becoming just that.

I was told that Hairi bullied Aira. I have personally seen him pushed his sister at the stomach. Aira was so angry she banged her head on the sofa, out of frustration. That day, I was told Hairi pushed Aira's head down tot he ground 3 times. Poked her eye. Refused to share toys. Like WHOA!

and the easiest thing for me to do is scream at him. Beat his hand. But constant hand beating can make a child hard-hearted. Do u believe?

I blamed myself for it. I have been too pre-occupied with my own nonsense, and my own extra-income sideline to suffice me as my boss tak-boleh-harap, tht i feel i have neglected my duties as a mother. and a wife.

Which leads to my next topic. Wife.

Im just gonna be very short on this. How many of us (wives) are guilty of not "giving" the husbands?

Come on, raise your hands. We read it in the books, though we never thought we ever used them eh? Headache, extended period, pretending to sleep, malas, or just a flat "no."

This friend of mine. Nope. Never a No. Never escape. Never escaped.

I salute her, for being a home-maker, the best mother, the best-willing wife, and the best financial manager for her husband.

Hidir, you must be so proud of your wife. Cos i am.

HFMD

After 2 weeks of pre-school, my son hasbeen contracted with HFMD.

heh. what luck.

He refuses to eat. or drink. And he wails.

Speak of wailing, ever since he started school, he has been such a screamer. Attention-seeking son of a brat screaming and wailing and bullying his sister. And his sister has the knack to start screaming too when she is bullied. and my patience has flown out of the window.

The cons of having babies too close a gap.

"Commercial Break"

Her cuteness brings back my patience. But how to deal with a growing boy who is temperemental?

I vae to get back on track on blogging. It's like im too busy with Facebook, i forgot tht i have a diary to update too, for the reflections on my life.

My life has been pretty busy lately.

Do you believe life starts at 30? I now do.

On a side note, lets all pray for Japan. May they get through this painful ordeal as soon as possible.

And on another side note, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zuMLtycp_0I

Dumb or not, u decide.

It has been too long

Isn't it?



Now that i have my fat ass sitting in front of my damn old computer, yes computer not laptop, in a new (someone else's) office with a new colleague, i guess blogging would be just another pretense that im working. Typing away means im working.....right?



Initially this blog is suppose to be my kinda diary u know? The hype about being a newly married couple. All love and sex and BAM! Then all abt the first born....



And so i pity my 2nd born for not getting as much hype like the first.



My second born. Aira. yes her name is just Aira. Aira binte Muhd Fazli. Short name u say? Deal with it.


2010.


Why didnt i blog in 2010? A whole year of celebrating the months of my new 2nd born. Nothing abt her at all. AT ALL! (Slap my face!)


cos 2010 was a difficult year. for me. for us.


New baby. New home. New Loans. New Pay Cut. Trying out new Jobs. New way to handle rejections. New.


Nothing new with the amount in the bank statements though.

And not forgetting, new fat face, new fat hips, new fat legs. I plead to the Almighty my husband still lusts for me. Even tho my libido has zero-ed down.

Will there be a anything new abt my blog?

Probably.

But it still remains the same. it's still gonna be about, Diana & Fazli.

Hello readers.

Welcome back, new Me.

Psst....

Pssst....

I am on my way back in this blog.....

No one cares, i know....

I just psst-ed at myself.....

Gotta make myself free to write abt our new life with our new member....

My daughter AIRA!

tbc.......

Project: Home. Paused.

Breathe.

It has been a hectic last week of Nov.

The moving, the cleaning, the moving again.

The house is empty. Macam rumah bujang lah katakan. No furniture, nothing but i so love our walls. A bit of dirt already and i cannot angkat.

Anyways, no pics uploaded yet of the new interior until we do have some furniture. Some lah at least.

All these have been happening when im very sarat. Yes. Very very sarat. Im due on 15th Dec. Today i went for my check-up. Weekly check. And i lost 1kg in 1 week. According to Doc, its not suppose to be good and if i come back next week with another kg lost, he will induce me. heh.

Other than that, looks like baby is at a healthy weight of 3.1kg (plus placenta i think) and she looks like she is comfortable inside. Like her brother. Refuse to come out even when the date is due.

And as for my firstborn, he has been very clingy. Maybe he knows tht he wont have our full attention once his sis is out. So he constantly clings on to me, asked to be breast-fed, even if he doesnt wanna sleep, and just wants to be carried. Hairi ....... Hairi.....

So, this is the beginning of our newest chapter.

New home.

New baby.

And a beginning of a new Diana. The Circus Juggler.

Juggle time between hubby, 2 babies, home management, work management...all within 18 hrs in a day. Maybe a full 24 since we all know newborns wake frequently at night to be fed.

DIE!

Ayang, i takyah masak, you beli bungkus eh? Love you.

Project:Home Part 2

The end of tht crappy interior. The beginning of something new....

Very very dusty home. After all that hacking. And yes, the big FAT ME!

Nothing much 'cept for a lot of constuction stuffs.

But we are so glad that we got rid of the tiles in the kitchen and toilets and living room floor.

More to update in our next entry.

Question: Why are electricians expensive?

Tsk.

On a separate note, my baby is turning 1 soon! oh my god, where did all the time go to?

Project: Home Part 1

So many things happened since Oct. Good and bad.

Of cos we blog only the good.

Anyways, the next phase in our married ife is of cos getting our very own CRIB!

We got our house during the recession. The 2nd unit we viewed, with no COV, and we just grabbed. Only after then we realise what a run down place it is but hey....when u pay no cash for it, its all worth it.

The entrance. The door to many more family memories.

The entrance frm the inside. Full height shoe cabinet?! urgh!

My cutey son with my MIL's trusted maid, Karmi.

That balcony which is kinda useless. Very small.

The kitchen complete with door and bar-window. Heh.

That eeky common toilet.

But we love the kitchen view!

Our master bedroom.

With the more eeky toilet! We seriously wonder how the ex-owners lived in this condition. I mean the valuation report has the same pic in its dirty state many months ago. We collected our keys on 9th Oct. They left at the end on Sept. How the heck can they tahan bathing in this kinda toilet?!

Anywhos, this is our house in its original state.

More updates soon!

My Son the Heartbreaker

That is my son. My jantung. My buah hati.

He is a heartbreaker.

I wonder, how can someone so little and still oblivious to the world, can break his mommy's heart in a million pieces.

Lately, he doesn't want me. He prefers his grandma more to me.

At first i was fine. Until last Saturday.

We had guests over for raya. He was clinging on to his grandma. I tried to take him away. He refused. Eventually, he cried and wailed so loud, when i carried him.

It broke my heart.

I went to the kitchen window and cried. My husband knew how at my worst i must have felt then.

After that, i refused to touch him. My mil tried to give him to me but i refused to take him saying, "what for? he doesnt want me."

I delivered him, i fed him, i put him to sleep, i cleaned his poo, i wake in the middle of the night to make milk for him.

Yet he prefers another more to me.

Tell me, how should i feel?

They say it's cos im pregnant that's why he is seeking attention elsewhere.

That suppose to comfort me? well, it didn't work.

Hairi.....Hairi tak sayang ibu ke?

I like making money

Don't we all?

So im upgrading myself to become.....well, once i get the cert, then can announce to the whole wide world.

Meanwhile, come join me do the easiest thing on earth!


Come support! It's free!

7 weeks from now

Like very the long. But yup. 7weeks from now, we hope to finalise everything and get the key to the gates to the door to the interior of our very own home.

And before we can even begin to feel happy abt it, we already have monetary worries. Yes. Having a flat this date is not the same as having it 4 years ago. Back then (mind you only 4 years apart) you can get a house at a fraction of what we're paying for. While I jealously admire my best friend for only forking out 500ish on CPF split between herself and hubby to pay for an 18 yr mortgage, me and hubby have to sabar and hope that 30 years will pass in a jiff (while deducting 400ish from each of our accts. tsk). Or maybe, dengan rezeki Tuhan, we can afford to pay more monthly in future? Insya'allah.

And although we are not anywhere near to even smelling tht kunci besi, we have the house reno to finalise. More $$. On top of that, the initial accessories to buy for the kitchen and bathroom. We can't have a nice bathroom with no toilet bowl can we? tsk.

That aside, puasa has been pretty easy for me. Unlike Hairi, my girl in me doesnt kick me tht hard when she realise no food is coming in during my normal lunch hour. Good girl. So far so good for me, so i aim to puasa full this year. And my Hairi is already 9 months old. So big, so smart, so full of tantrums. Sometimes i cry and beg Allah to make time go slower. Cos looking at him grow up too fast, makes me sad to think that soon, it will just be good memories. My baby, a grown boy. Haiz.....No wonder our parents nak kita cepat2 ada anak. They feel the same way too i guess.

Anywho, this year's Ramadan is different. My 2nd year with hubby is a bit slack. I don't need to wake up to prepare sahur for him. Neither do i prepare buka for him. A bit boring lah cos got maid to do everything. Wait till we in our own kitchen, i think i prolly cook up a storm for him! Yarrite!

Nevertheless, this year our Ramadan and coming Eid will be same and different. Same cos i had a bulgin tummy too last year. Different cos Hairi will be in our pictures donning on the same coloured baju kurung which we are re-using again from last year. So haps-sening, i can't wait!

Our Fairy Tale

My Ideal Castle will consist of....

I, the Queen.
Him, my King.
Him, my Lil-Prince and....

From Princess

and the doctor said;
"Looks like you're having a girl. See, there is nothing sticking out, and there is a v-shape here....."

Alhamdullilah.....

And It's Getting Closer

After a long wait with little updates and non story to be told, finally we have something to get all excited again!

Yes yes, our long awaited first appointment with HDB has been granted an earlier date. 21 AUG 09!! Alhamdullilah!

Meantime, we have been busy visualising what kinda concept we want our HOME to be. Have something in mind (with the help of a very kind interior designer), and very geared up to get it going too! The numerious debates we have on the back of our minds are over. Loan or no loan? Loan of course! Nope we can't be going back to a home that we barely like, can we? And like my buddy said, "by hook or by crook, i want a halal kitchen and toilets!" Yes, that's what we want too!

So Happy! We do need more ideas on reno though. hmmmm...

And our lil' Hairi with the BIG VOICE is already 8 months young! Recently, he lost his voice due to much shouting. And when we just thought, "mana dia dapat suara serak basah dia eh? not us seh. sedap plak tuu.." hehehe

We love him to NUTS! We love it now that he can be involved in almost everything. Crawling, sitting on his own, disturbing us eat, screaming at the top of his lungs to get our attention, throwing everything around.....we just LOVE IT!

From Hairi

He has ONE TOOTH!

Constipation

Last night was the first time i had to see my son strugggling to poo-poo. Apparently, in the afternoon, he was crying while trying to ek-ek cos the ek-ek dont wanna come out. Im sure he was crying cos he was in pain and very uncomfortable. And only smaller than a thumb size manage to squeeze out.

The maid didn't call me, though i have told her many a times, anything happens, anything at all, PLEASE call me!

So when i got back home, i fed him some banana puree, forced some water down him cos he had dry bleeding lips too. tsk. Then massaged his tummy.

While i was having dinner, he tried to ek-ek again. and he was on his tummy, sweating and crying. I cant' finish my dinner looking at him like that. Massaged his tummy till the hard stools manage to come out. Along with some traces of blood.

This morning, he manage to poo-poo as normal.

Phew. Pains my heart to see him in pain like that.

Again, i wish we are financially stable enough, for me to stay home and look after Hairi and my 2nd baby.

Maybe i should start my own business and work from home. But like what?

I donno why

I donno why.....

But i feel this way, sayang....

I feel that im just there to bear them grandchildren. And to follow them wherever they go.

I want this all to stop. Im done. Dear, help me.

We Feel Guilty

We Feel Guilty

Today, i felt some constant movements and tapping from the baby inside me. I was ecstatic, and i shared my joy with my husband through sms.

Then i saw Hairi's picture on my wall paper.

And i confided in my husband and we share the same sentiments.

Haiz..

We are so happy with the new baby but at the same time so guilty. Guilty cos soon, we have to divide our love with Hairi. And right now, we're too much in love with Hairi to start dividing any attention. It seems surreal that we are gonna have another one. When we still think of Hairi as the only ONE!

Somehow.....we have to deal with it. Don't we?

The Great Weekend

The Great Weekend....

So my boss isn't around. Last week and this.

So last week, i practically worked for one day. Only.

Monday. I was sick. Again. It was only 3 weeks after i had that bout of flu, fever and cough. And there i was again, having the flu and sore throat. Which evolves into a congested chest. And of cos, my long time fren came to visit. My ASTHMA!

Of cos i was worried for my unborn child. Too much medicine is not good for the development of my child's organs. So with only Tue of full working day, Wed i decided to go to KK for my 12 week check up.

And i got to see my baby!

Unlike Hairi who was furiously kicking in my tummy when i first saw him, this one is a cool one. Baby was just laying and wriggling its fingers. So Cute! Gynae says baby is doing fine and im just more prone to diseases around. So i gotta take better care of myself then. Cant' wait to see baby again in one month's time!

Then on Thur and Fri, i took leave. And since it's hubby's off day on Friday, we finally finally decide to get Hairi's passport done. With one condition. One or both of us will have to be with Hairi, if ever his parents decide to bring him overseas. No questions. Im not comfortable with my baby somewhere foreign without us.

And look how cute he is!

Well...nuthing much we can do abt the hair though. But he is such a darling!!

And as parents, we may be deprived of certain childhood toys, or maybe, it wasnt even invented during our time. And being the average income parents we are, we still did not hesitate to splurge (and i mean it is REALLY costly!) for our Hairi. He is after-all, our first born. And deserves only the best!

He is still learning to jump. And we love it tht he loves it!

Yes! We have always wanted a Jumperoo for him, and finally we really really got it!

And on Sat, being a hot, sunny day, I finally decide to bring him to the CCK pool. This time, im sure his reactions will differ to the first time.

And i was right! And definitely bringing him again this week cos again......Im gonna be on LEAVE!! HAHA!

And what other way is there to end the weekend other than this; Having my husband home from his night shift on Sunday morning, to kiss me and Hairi and to tell us, " I can never live without the both of you...."

Wow. Yes people. I really really really had a Blasted Weekend!

At 11 weeks

At 11 weeks....

Overnight, I became round.

Yep. After 2 weeks of intensive vomitting, running to the toilets, vomitting and more vomitting, i had lost some waist, some cheeks, some thighs. I did. Really.

Until today.

I woke up and realised that my tummy has shown. Its the after-delivery-gut plus the new baby growing. The tummy has shown, too fast, too soon.

My face.

Has become much rounder, too fast, too soon.

And.

My nose....macam bigger gitu. Or am i hallucinating? My nose, oh my nose.

Hubs laughed when i told him.

I hope i don't get what some preggy ladies get, something we call "pembawakan budak". U noe. Selekeh, or ugly, or big nose, or break outs, or blackened neck.

Ya allah, pls keep it to a minimal if its meant to happen to me. Especially my nose.

But if it's meant to be, (for me to look shabby with this 2nd child), like hubs ever said;

"At least one of us still looks cool!"

Thanks hubby. I will letak more bedak on my face. Cantik tak?